


Secrets and Lies

by Xeen



Category: Stitchers (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-14
Updated: 2015-10-22
Packaged: 2018-04-26 09:52:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5000245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xeen/pseuds/Xeen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Cameron "kills" himself, Kirsten goes AWOL</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**SECRETS AND LIES**

 

[post season finale]

I don't own STITCHERS.

1.

Kirsten didn't blame Cameron for killing himself. She blamed him for being such a drama queen. He knew she could take care of herself, he didn't have to protect her. They were a team, a team is supposed to act together. If she trusted him before, she was having a hard time trusting him now. No wonder she had no friends. But now that she had friends, she blamed herself for a lot of things, not being able to stop Cameron from being reckless, for one. Because of her, he could have died. She was in the business of killing people. She found it repulsive.

The more emotionally charged the memories, the more the pull, he explained when she was recruited. From an intellectual point of view, she thought it was a waste of time. Emotions always seemed to get in the way. People made poor decisions on account of their emotions, they failed exams, they risked their lives. Still, without today's stitch, she'd be unaware of their previous encounter. It wasn't something he could have forgotten, she decided. He let her stitch in anyway, knowing she could find out.

Turner barking orders before Cameron chose to go through the procedure had reinforced her doubts. Marta's confession had definitely some merit. She wasn't a deranged former employee, the Program was a front. Kirsten wanted to know everything about the big picture. For starters, her working with Cameron was an unlikely coincidence. Turner needed them both, she just had to figure out why. She couldn't ask Maggie who'd come up with more lies. She didn't want to join the experiment to begin with, so why stick around? What good could possibly come of it?

Worse, stitching had changed her. She didn't like what she saw, what she'd become, she felt weak and disconnected. Emotions she experienced without understanding them crippled her, hindering her cognitive process all the time.

When he was flatlining, the pain she felt was excruciating, unbearable. When he was back, she realized the pain didn't go away. It was now tainted with an additional layer of anger and resentment. Was it what love was? If it was, she didn't want any of it.

Icing on the cake, the stitch made it crystal clear that Cameron was in love with her. Is it what she was feeling too, love? She was so mixed up. She wasn't ready, she'd never be ready... With a qualm of utter terror, she knew instantly she'd never be ready to lose him. It made her decision a lot easier. When she's gone, he'll get over her. She'll become someone of his past, as did Marta. Tank top girl from 6B is available and she made her intentions pretty clear. Anger flared. Was she jealous? Why? Cameron betrayed her from the start. With Liam gone, she could trust no one. It had a weird ring to it. Cameron was the one she could always go to, no matter what. Everything was completely wrong. It should not affect her, not in so many ways, and yet it was.

From the moment he woke up, her instincts told her to run. She couldn't confront him. Staying was counterproductive since she couldn't lie. She could conceal facts, but there were so many moving parts, it would be exhausting. Her only option was to disappear.

In retrospect, Ayo shoving her away when she lost it during his resuscitation had been a blessing in disguise. Whatever feelings she was experiencing, being pushed aside broke the spiral. That left her with enough time to get her gym bag, snatch her computer and ride the elevator without being spotted. Ed's boxes would have to remain in her garage for the time being.

On the back seat of the cab that was taking her to the outskirts of Los Angeles, she hacked into Maggie's computer. If she hadn't protected them properly, some files could come in handy. She wasn't sure she should leave crumbs for Cameron to discover, and finally decided against it. Her heart skipped a beat. She frowned. It didn't make sense. She was not sick. The heart was only a chambered muscular organ in vertebrates designed to pump blood. Discarding the distracting feeling, she resorted to reason. Cameron will be under close scrutiny, of course she couldn't risk it. She had to protect herself.

From everything.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cameron faces the consequences

**Secrets and Lies**

 

I don't own Stitchers

 

"He's back," Ayo shouts. Her assessment is echoed by a collective sigh of relief.

Ignoring the smug I told you so look plastered on Les Turner face, Maggie turns to her team. "Good work, people." She stares at Cameron who's trying to sit up on the edge of the corpse cassette, pursing her lips in deep thought. "Dr. Goodkin, as soon as Ayo is finished, scrub up. I want you in my office as soon as you're decent… and feeling better," she adds. "Same goes for you Kirsten."

Cameron simply nods. What can he say? "Wait, Stretch, did it work?" Cameron blurbs out. "You saw the number?" He glances around. Where is she?

"She said it was blurry, useless…" Camille volunteers, unable to locate her roommate either.

He tries to hide his disappointment but fails, hangs his head down. "So, nothing?" he says in a low voice. "She saw nothing?" he asks, unable to hide his desperation.

"We need to get to the bottom of it, right now! Kirsten, could you be more specific? Where is she? For god's sake, come on people, be alive!" The entire team freezes. Maggie hisses in frustration. "Find me Kirsten."

"I'll go get her, she's probably changing out of the catsuit, she was pretty… upset." Camille scurries away to the locker room.

After a vain search, they check the elevator log and have to face the obvious. Kirsten is gone. When he goes into hysterics, menacing to quit, Ayo has to sedate Cameron. Maggie can't hide her discomfort. Everyone within earshot probably heard her fight with Turner when they found that Kirsten was missing. She liked her operations efficient and smooth. Something Turner had made impossible lately with his constant inferences. She lied repeatedly to her own team, especially since Marta's supposed treason and untimely death. Turner was a seasoned intelligence man, but lacked finesse when it came to deal with a bunch of immature geniuses. She's had enough of being the bad guy.

She considers it's a miracle nobody questioned yet what real purpose the Program served. And she was tired of the fake procedural bullshit. Treading in murky waters had never been her strong suit. She was former CIA but came from the military. She wasn't into politics, or beard trades. She liked the view unobstructed and the path clear. Two things she wasn't getting with the Stitchers Program. She felt embedded against her will in something she had no control over. It made her the perfect patsy for conspiracy theorists like Justin Link.

She faces Cameron, elbows firmly set on her desk. Thanks to Turner uncalled for display of authority, they're stuck until Kirsten returns. If she ever shows up again. Using her corporate credit card, she managed to buy a bunch of tickets on line earlier covering every possible Grey Hound routes, but Maggie had no doubt she will cover her tracks. Kirsten is too smart for her own good. If she doesn't want to be found, they won't. It's a wild goose chase, she knows it and Turner knows it. Right now, she's just glad he left the building, even if it means she'll have to clean his mess.

Cameron is slumped on the chair across from her, looking exhausted. He finally takes a glance at her, smiling sheepishly. "I'm sorry?"

"What are you sorry for, Dr Goodkin? For the fact that you chose to go through an insane plan despite explicit orders from a superior and almost died in the process?" He takes a deep breath, opens his mouth, rising a finger for good measure, finds himself unable to speak, looks down and up at her again. He sighs and droops further down onto the chair. "Or would it be because we may assume Kirsten discovered something when you gave her unlimited access to your private thoughts?" she pushes. His ears turn crimson. " Let me think… Could it be because you probably made our only stitcher unavailable, let's say, indefinitely?"

"Okay, okay, no need to rub it in my face. It was stupid. I'm an idiot." He writhes on the chair.

"Right on both accounts. I'm glad we agree but now is not the time to commiserate or take blame. Time is of the essence and we both know time isn't an issue for her. What I need is a solution. Where is she?"

"I have no idea!" He sounds desperate enough to be sincere, she thinks. "We never really… you know, hang out."

"From what I gather, Dr Ahluwalia is your best friend who happens to be in relationship with her roommate. Is it possible Camille confide in him?"

He shakes his head. "It's not like that. We don't really… talk, I mean, it's complicated. Listen, I promise I'll find her."

"I wish I could take you on your promise Dr Goodkin but Kirsten is brilliant, she's the best hacker I've ever seen, and she's resourceful."

"And fearless…"

"Excuse me?"

"No, nothing." His eyes skitter away.

"I understand you need to rest. I can see Ayo hovering from here. Go home, regroup and find me Kirsten."

"Yes boss." He stands up, looses his balance, trips on the chair, hurts his arm on the door in the process, and bolts out.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Secrets and Lies**

 

I don't own Stitchers

 

She finally stops near a picnic area, walks to the children's playground. She sits on a bench close to a dozen vocal toddlers. Surrounded by an armada of trolleys, women in various outfits discuss their bouncing offspring while keeping a fierce eye on them.

She's better now. The trip to the suburbs cleared her head, -- like it always does. On her way to Griffith Park, she made a stop to rent a PO box that authorized parcel pick-up to stash her things. Then she ran for what seemed like hours.

She feels slightly light headed. When was the last time she had a decent meal? She leaves the park, jogs to a coffee shop, pushes the door and goes straight to the counter. She can't ignore the gazes of curiosity. "Cat woman without the ears and the stilettos." It seems like a life time ago. To run away in her work clothes, it wasn't her finest moment.

On the other hand, it was LA, people couldn't care less. Their reaction has nothing to do with her clothes, it's the weather. The temperature has been rising during the last couple of weeks. It's three in the afternoon. Nobody in their right mind can possibly take a jog in the middle of the day without risking a heatstroke or worse. Still, she feels okay, thanks to Linus state of the art clothing material.

She doesn't consider for a minute the patrons are simply stunned by her figure. Women do their best to keep their significant others focused on the menu and glower at her when she contently wolfs down half a dozen waffles copiously drizzled in maple syrup along with a side of crisp bacon and sunny side eggs. She washes it down with a large orange juice. And sits back. She crosses her arms in front of her chest, closes her eyes and assesses the situation. She needs to focus. Even if the passing of time is of no relevance to her, it is a crucial factor to the rest of the world. She cannot stay on the run for ever, and given she has no intention to relocate to Central America in the near future, she needs a plan.

She replays the kaleidoscope of the last stitch. Facts. Cameron is totally obsessed with her. How could she miss it? No wonder he's so awkward around her. Feelings were definitely not in her skill set. She remembers now, his insistance that she called Liam when they were about to die. Was he trying to tell her about his own feelings or help her give her fiancé some closure? To think of it, it was probably both. And to be quite honest, he told her, he told her how he felt every chance he got. He went as far as asking if she loved her boyfriend. A question she never answered because something else came up and because she chose to conveniently put it away. A question she had no answer to anyway.

"Not even once did you mention love..." Did she love Liam? How she was with him, is it how you feel when you're in love with someone? She has no clue. Except she must have known, felt something. After all, how hard is it to say yes to the love of your life? Did she ever react to anything Liam said or did? She knows the answer. She felt nothing when she was with him. When he wasn't around, well, he simply didn't exist at all. Barbie and Ken living in a doll house. Enter Cameron. He challenged her on every level, and yet she stayed blind. Did she, really? What kind of proof did she need? What baffles her the most is that Camille managed to stay mum about it. Or anybody else at the lab for that matter. It must be hard to hide. 

God dammit, the idiot killed himself to keep her safe. Emotions beyond her comprehension wash over her like a tidal wave. Why did she run? Did she run away from the program or from Cameron? What is she truly afraid of? She know she can't rely on her intuition. When it's too close for comfort, she can't compute. Is it what happened? Was she... overhelmed? It's never happened before.

Her eyes snap open. She has to put her feeling theory aside. The memory she pulled from the stitch, that they met when they were children, it isn't Cameron's, it's hers. The Stitchers program made her remember the teddy bear, the one she couldn't place, the one she had been seeing in every stitch. It was in her mother's arms at the hospital. It's the get better token of a loving girl to her mother. Grown up Cameron has probably no recollection of the incident. He had spent weeks, months in hospitals and convalescence homes when he was a child. He had met dozens of patients and their loved ones. She's wrong, he never lied to her and she walked away when he needed her. Queen of Estupidos, the knickname he gave her the first day, is a perfect fit. She must talk to him.

 


End file.
